Track: Pants
Jensen-Marrz 1980

(spoken word introduction)

Toilet paper is a blessed gift.
Rubbers are just like a swim with your boots on.
And I use Playtex deodorant tampons,
but I prefer to use your mammary glands.

(chorus)
I’m pullin’ down the pants of life –
I know it, I love it, and I’m glad!

What is beauty if you have to shit?
Or if you puke or if you have to piss?
There’s nothin’ better than a shiny commode -
it just invites you to dump your load.
(chorus)

(spoken word interlude)

Suppositories are lots of fun.
I love to masturbate with sandpaper gloves.
And I love to wear her panties for weeks.
I want to know if you can gargle with dirt.
(chorus)

I can tell you that you got bad breath,
I think your armpits smell like month-old death.
You got a problem with a(n) dirty (itchy) ass,
but then my favorite is a social disease.
(chorus)

(repeat first verse and chorus)

(repeat second verse and chorus)

(spoken word ending)